We have been stressing quite a bit lately on how we can make our Christmas the best ever for our kids. We want them to have all the things on their list. Last time I checked there were about 120 items combined on the 4 lists that i am to send to Santa Claus. On the one hand, I am tempted to explain about the story of greed and Christmas, and on the other hand as a parent that wants to give his children everything I want to take out that 4th mortgage to get the list purchased.

Looking back on my own childhood, i loved Christmas. It was my favorite time of the year. Like Ralphie says in A Christmas Story it is the real universe that everything else revolves around. As I began to look back there were a few memorable times at Christmas, but i can’t remember every present or what I got in my stocking or what was in that 10th little box of presents.

My point is that many years from now as your children are stressing about their own parenting at Christmas, they will look back on the time spent and not the things that were bought and under the tree. With that said, I am off to find a way to get that Wii for the kids since I too want to spend some time Christmas morning playing with one of those cool toys!

Many times in my life I have been shown humility. Many times I have fought that demon that causes my ego to get ahead of me and many times that has been a harbinger of doom. When i try to control my life it usually has a bad outcome. If i think I’m in control it is a good sign I’m not. I have recently attended a therapy session, (yes even superheroes need to get their head on straight) that allowed me a moment to see into my own head. My head is a lot like a circus right now.

Once you get passed the carnival rides, the clowns jumping out of the tiny car and roller coaster and tilt-a-whirl, there is a humble man. The man is watching the excitement around him. He takes it all in as if to say he has seen it a thousand times. When I reached him he smiled and welcomed me to sit with him and watch a while. He would point out some of the more exciting things, like daredevils on motorcycles, fire breathing exhibitions and other things, but my focus kept turning to him.

There were lots of children running around screaming and giggling and shouting to each other. They would run from ride to ride, booth to booth. They had cotton candy and hot dogs, and chocolate. They had soft drinks and licorice and all of them were in a land of make believe but soaking it in, enjoying in their mind the feeling of what heaven must be like. Suddenly, they all came to a stop and went and sat in front of the man. he talked about how much fun they were having and asked each questions about their experience and listened to each as if they had the secret to life. He rose to speak and all were intently ready for him to tell us all about how this world works. He rose, smiled told every one to enjoy the show and walked away. He was sad in a way and looked as if he was not long for this world. He disappeared into the crowd and then faded away. I want to find him but the children began running around again. He vanished without a trace. He left in my heart a moment of peace. One that made me realize that life is so much richer if you take a moment to sit and watch it. Not wanting to make ti happen in your time or your spirit but just to sit and watch as life unfolds.

Suddenly I hear the man across from me tell me in my therapy session.

“God will reveal what God wants to heal.”

This was a moment of true clarity for me. I remember driving home and thinking of the man sitting in the carnival. Is it too much to presume that God was sitting next to me watching life? I’m not sure, but I know now that I need to sit and watch life a little while and enjoy the gifts of that life a little more. That was taught to me by a humble man that loved to be a part of life.

[photo courtesy of meagan]

I have been cleaning out my master bedroom walk-in closet today, something that really has not been done I think since the day we moved into our house quite some time ago, and I have been packing and boxing and throwing things out.  As I got to the back corner of the closet and began to work my way forward, I began to notice some little things.  Sort of the type of things you would not expect like you would if you had moths or perhaps a mouse problem.

I began to find toys, and especially small Lego’s stashed and stuffed and tuck into shoes, under folded sweaters and even in the pocket of an old suit of mine.  I can only assume that we have a new infestation which included a breeding pair of Lego’s.  This wasn’t the worst part of the discoveries I had made today however. The worst was a piece of food I can only assume was a partially opened package of string cheese that had been hidden and left in haste.  The coup de gras was the diaper I found.  Thank the good Lord the diaper was used but not used for number 2.  It had been crawled out of and left in the corner.  I assuming by the same culprit that had left the now string cheese that could be used as a railroad tie.  The problem is I could not identify the culprit as I had no way of knowing how long it had been there.  In fact, It could have been the four year old’s diaper for all I know instead of Genuine Baby.  It does make me wonder if I have a hobo living inside the closet.  So what types of skeletons do you have in your closet.  Mine I believe had decided to see if they can acquire squatting rights.

[photo courtesy of Stoker Studios]

I was just speaking to a few people and I have been using legal terms around them that in my case I just think that everyone knows. I sometimes forget that using words like “perfunctory” might confuse some and make them not understand what it is I am trying to say. Using legal terms in my conversations is often like speaking to people using my kids’ choice of vocabulary.

This is a classic example of a recent conversation while I was on the phone with someone that really didn’t know me very well. I was talking to them and forgot to mute the television:

Them: Is that a movie I hear in the background?

Me: Yeah.

Them: What are you watching it sounds like a race car?

Me. Yeah. I’m just watching Kachow.

Them: Excuse me?

Me: Oops sorry I thought everyone knew that the movie “Cars” is actually known as Kachow.

I often catch myself in this dilemma of trying to explain my vocabulary at times. Let’s just say, if anyone wants to call you on a word like “Kachow”, just call me I’ll be able to help you explain its origins. Oh and for you that are still wondering about “perfunctory”, it means in a legal sense, the hearing is just a formality, the outcome is predetermined.

Late night television gives me plenty of opportunities to create some blog fodder here. The quiet, the darkness and the loneliness and overall sensory deprivation is a canvas that is always begging to be filled with light and color and a message. I recently watched a movie where a loved on was lost, and it made me think immediately of my own loved ones. It made me think that every second is precious as those seconds can easily be snatched from you never to have an opportunity to get them back. No matter how much you shout at the wall and shake your fist at the sky, those moments are gone. No way to buy them back or to negotiate for another try or a do over.

Without being too morbid, I wanted to give you the exercise that went through my mind. Imagine if you will that you went to work or went to the store or were just out of the home for something as small as borrowing a cup of sugar from the neighbor. Now think for just a second that your spouse, your children or any other significant other was taken in that split second you were gone. Think back on the last moment you spent with that person. Your daughter, your son, your husband or wife, who was one moment near you and perhaps they were folding laundry or reading a book, and when you returned nothingness. Now think for a moment if you could have a granted wish to spend the last 2 minutes of their existence in your life. Just two precious minutes to have a moment and for eternity they would then be gone. What would you do? What would you say? Those 120 seconds that would have to last you a lifetime is all you have starting now.

Okay time is up. How did you spend your moment? How do you feel now that they are gone? I mean FOREVER gone. Did you have that time to express your feelings? Did you get across that message of love? It has to last you forever so did you register that in your mind that feeling you took away from that experience? Not everyone has to go through that hell and obviously until it actually happens you really have no idea the pain, despair and sorrow that blackens your soul and tears a hole in your heart and hardens all your organs sucking the life from them.

Each time you leave your home or see your kids off to school or say “see ya later” to that spouse, that could become a reality to you. Now I want you to take that exercise and capture that feeling so that every time you see them go to the mall with their friends, watch your spouse head out for that day at work or that business trip, I want you to do that very exercise in your head and then give them that time of love. You can never really tell when your loved one will be snatched away by fate. Make sure their last moment with you is always the best for you and for them. Hug a family member today, squeeze them just a moment to squeeze tighter and look into their eyes and tell them you love them.

I was reading through a book today and came across a something that made me stop, think, feel saddened and then burst into tears and cry. It was a profound statement that only until recently I would have had the same reaction. I have been thinking a good number of days now about my past. What have I done in the past and what choices did I make in the past and past this and past that, until I could not see anything accept for the PAST! The quote from the book went something like:

I cannot go back and make a brand new start. I can start from now and make a brand new end.

I still get my hair standing up on my arm when i think about the meaning of that statement. We have all made mistakes in the past that we would like to go back and change. make it as if they had never happened. With a time machine this may be possible, but as yet they have not come up with a device that would allow me to do that and I don’t think I’ll be around long enough to see that a reality. So I have to go forward instead of going back. I can always travel forward. This is always a possibility.

I also think that we are given the ability to learn from past mistakes. We don’t always learn them on the first try but sometimes a second and third and yes it can go on depending on the learning curve. I would like to think that every bad choice and every misstep I have made in this world has brought me better understanding. It has brought me to a point of wisdom. From the time we are children we store this information in our memory and it helps us “get it.” There are a lot of things I now get, and some that I keep learning. It makes me grow. It allows me not to start an old beginning but perhaps a new end.

I spent most of my early days wrapped tightly in a cocoon in its safety and warmth and serenity.

Then as I was launched into this world I was a bold and colorful creature. I had beautiful wings, and mingled with beautiful flowers and scents of nature. I was perfect in every way. The sun was on my face and the breeze carried me along on my journey pushing me towards what would soon become my end. As that journey ended, I laid there among the leaves of a tree. They too had had their own journey and were now ending that journey to perhaps become new again. I remember thinking that this world was all I ever imagined and more. The spark left my body and the breeze carried me again away from the things I had known.

I spent most of those early days in a cocoon like state. I was warm, safe, and all I needed was given and there was nothing but peace.

Then I was launched into this world again and I was a bold and colorful creature. I had bright eyes, an innocence and all my life lay before me. I can remember the sun on my face many times, but sometimes that sun was replaced by darkness. The breeze was there as well, but sometimes I felt the storm. There was a force that carried me along pushing be here and there, and crashing me against the rocks, and sometimes lifting me to the clouds. Soon that journey would also come to an end. As I laid there staring at the past and remembering my journey I wept. Sorrow had overcome me. In spite of the darkness, the bruises and pain. There was so much that happened and I let most of it slip by, forgetting to see the flowers and the scents of nature, forgetting about that sun that warmed me and the breeze that carried me. I did not have the leaves around me. I was alone and in darkness. I passed this world lonely, in despair and wanting to have it all again to try to accept the gifts I was given. The spark left me and the breeze was not there. There was only emptiness.

The cocoon like state I then found myself in was wrapped tightly and I suddenly felt that safety and warmth and serenity. Had I returned to that state of bliss that is granted butterflies? I was then launched, my wings spread, my color had returned the flowers and scents of nature wafted through the air. This was my return to my former life. My wings spread and captured the breeze the sun was shining brightly on my face with its warmth and serenity. Then I heard a voice come from the sun that had enveloped me. It called to me. “My son, spread your wings and take your place among the angels and accept the gifts you are now given.”

[photo courtesy of aussiegall]

I have been thinking about my sons quite a bit lately, and how they are growing up so fast. My oldest is now 7 and I can remember when I was a seven year old boy. I loved playing all kinds of sports, or in fact, anything with a ball. I had plenty of friends to play with in our neighborhood and all of us had a certain bond with the idea of playing, baseball, football, basketball and other games that we could play that allowed us to be competitive with each other.

I also look back now and realize that my dad was usually too busy or too tired or many other things that didn’t allow him to do much with me as a son and father did in those early years as it related to sports. Our time would come later in life when we became best friends after I got married and started spending time with him on his turf, going hunting and enjoying the outdoors.

One of the things that I really wanted to make sure and do as a father and promised myself I would accomplish, was to teach my own children and boys about that passion in my life. The love of the game. Not because I want to force them into being athletes, not all enjoy the sports I played like I did. I often quip that I would have never graduated school unless I had not had to be there for practice. I want them to see someone with the passion for something and learn from that no matter what they choose as their own passion.

Now I have an opportunity to make good on that promise to show my boys about my passion for sports. To show them the thrill of victory the agony of defeat and all of those other cliches. I can show them the joy I get and perhaps experience the joy they may also have. I can teach them the little things that made me a top performer and perhaps some of the life lessons that sports taught me. I can still feel the excitement in my blood and veins as the thrill of scoring a touchdown, hitting a home run or winning the game for my team. I feel giddy as a school boy when I think of that time. I can change myself into that boy again and show my boys. The man I have become and the man that shines in me all started as a boy who loved to play the game. Perhaps as a boy again I can teach my boys to be men.

[Photo courtesy of ajagendorf25]

I have been jogging in the mornings or riding my bike, and I am greeted each morning by a new friend.  I get to say hello and how are you and tell my new friend to have a nice day.  One of the problems with having this friend is it is a very one sided conversation.  He might just look at me with a blank stare and wonder what language I am speaking and why I come out and scare him that way every morning.

I utter a little saying to him just as I take off for my chance heart attack (did I mention I am new to the exercise thing?).

Time is fun when you are having flies.